While a lot is being said about women being abused by men,
domestic violence, marital rape and what not, we often miss out on the other
side. No, no, I am not trying to justify the act of violence against women but
just trying to shed some light on the men who are subjected to violence by
women. Sounds weird, doesn’t it? Well, let me assure you, this happens and a
lot at that.
As a society, we have made such a stereotype of “being a
man” that being a man itself
sometimes becomes a problem. We instill the gyaan that men do not cry while
bringing up our sons. We tell them not to pursue finer interests in life in
order to become, doctors, engineers or such as they would be the primary
breadwinners of the family. We tell them not to wince at pain as they are
expected to have high pain tolerance and above all, we embarrass them if they
ever come complaining about a woman who harassed them - physically or
emotionally.
While we scorn at men who get abusive against women in fits
of anger, we always try to find an excuse to vindicate a woman who does the
same. She must have been so depressed. He must have said something to annoy her
to that extent. While that could be a possibility, we cannot always excuse a
woman’s action as a possible reaction.
If a man says that he is not interested in a day job as his
wife’s income is enough to take care of the household, we again unleash our
judgment on that person without really bothering to get into the deeper facts.
But if, at the same time, a woman decides to quit her career for no plausible
reason, we take it for granted or worse still, we again judge the man for not
letting her pursue her career.
I recently stumbled across a post on social media where all
the abusive celebrity relationships were illustrated for public judgment. The
only question that kept reverberating in my head was, “How many men must have
been through the same while nobody is even aware?” The article mentioned women
who were abused by suspicious partners, partners who were alcoholic, who had
temper issues in general and more.
What about men who have been abused by suspicious wives,
alcoholic wives or wives with bipolar disorder? Our societal pressure is such
that these men could never come out in the open to talk about these matters. We
always ask our girls after they get married, if they’re treated well by their
husbands and in-laws.
Do we ever bother to ask our sons if they are indeed happy?
Do we ever ask them if they have got what they sought in their partner? What we
do ask is, if their wife cooks well for them, if she manages the household as
expected. We never ask if they are in a peaceful relationship. We don’t bother
ourselves to ask if there are any signs of abuse, physical or mental.
When I walked out of my marriage, I was asked if my husband
abused me. I was asked if the abuse so bad that I had to leave him. I wonder if
men are asked a similar question. What they would be asked is, if there is
another woman in their life. And god forbid, if the answer is positive. The man
in that situation would be termed as a living monster, guy who is characterless
and heartless. And if the answer is negative, then this guy would be called a
fool for walking out on a marriage.
So basically, we have trapped our men in a game. A game
where they cannot become victims because that’s not manly, where they cannot
become oppressors because that’s monstrous, where they are left with no choice
but to live with it, every single day.
Think about it, is this what we call equality? Is this the
kind of situation we want ourselves to be in?
2 comments:
Wow, that's quite a bombshell. Society has to change, Change is the new constant in today's world. We talk about gender equality only when a woman is suppressed and not a man. A simple act of change creates an endless ripple. Cheers for writing something against the wind.
Many thanks, Aadi... I do hope that these ideas create a ripple for better.
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