The series of incidents I will narrate henceforth, are all
isolated. Some of them may even appear to be lighthearted in nature. But the
reason I am going to narrate these incidents here is provoke some thought in
the readers’ mind. The incidents so to speak, are a recollection of a person I
know, but it could be any of us, or all of us.
First, some facts...
- The person in this narrative is a woman
- Lives in the tech-capital of India
- Owns multiple pets
- Prefers an asocial lifestyle
- The city in question is supposedly a great place
for women to thrive as most people are well educated and from decent families
-
About a year ago, during an official dinner, her colleague
made a remark in passing which had a sexist undertone. When she tried to
discuss the matter further, bang came the formidable F word. Are you one of the
feminist types? - was the question. Turns out, Feminist is the most dreaded F word of our generation, even more
than the other four letter F word.
A year on, another official gathering, mostly comprising of
men. Well, to put things into perspective, she was the only woman in the
gathering. In an attempt to humour the guests of honour, one of the colleagues
quipped that the city they live in has weather just like a girlfriend aka
unpredictable. To this, the married guest of honour quipped that the weather of
his hometown is like a wife aka hot and humid. While she did have a comeback on
the tip of her tongue, the distastefulness of the entire conversation left her
muted. She could have retorted saying that the city they were in has the
climate like an engineer’s career. As distasteful as the others’ remarks, and below
the belt. That could get her tag of “a
bitch,” wouldn’t you agree?
A colleague at work boasting about her cab driver’s driving
prowess. How wonderful that he manages to get her home faster than other
drivers as he’s swift, even on the wrong side! But the other day, they got
stuck bumper-to-bumper with another car coming from the opposite direction. She
(the colleague) was aghast because the car on the opposite side (read the right
side) was being driven by a woman. Now, how can a woman drive at all, leave
alone driving on the right side of the road?
And then the mass-molestation incident happened in some city
on the New Year’s Eve. How could those women be wearing whatever they were
wearing (nobody knows what they were in fact wearing), and how could they be so
drunk (again, nobody knows if they were drunk at all) was the collective
question asked. Men will be men after all!
This woman in
question has more than a couple of pets to make her house a home. She is
regularly asked a nagging question, “where will you leave your pets when you
get married?” Is that even a valid question is what she wonders. Why is a woman
expected to leave her life behind if she gets married? Her mother has a bigger
worry of how will she find a partner
with all these pets at all? Men apparently don’t appreciate women who have
pets, or life of their own.
On a given Monday, one of her colleagues was asked by
another, “how was your weekend, bro?” To which, his riposte was, “Oh! Married men
don’t have any weekend.” Needless to say, the comeback was collectively lauded.
The women who overheard this conversation were left wondering who will take a
note of the man-babies. The ones who can’t find a missing pair of sock without crying
for help from their ever-caring mothers and/or wives. But no, women who talk
about these matters are tagged as “cribbing wives”. How can a devoted wife
complain about her husband not being responsible for his health? Tch!!
And then one day, this woman did something unimaginable. She
chopped off her long manes and showed up at work with a cropped look. Want to guess
the best question that was thrown at her? “Have you joined some sort of women’s
liberation association?” While she was expecting, and did get questions like, “did
you have a breakup?” this question took the cake. She did retort saying that
she doesn’t need to join any association as she is the association.
The best incident of all is yet to follow. During a general
discussion around the festivities of Diwali, a colleague mentioned how he was
stuck as the only “boy” in the girlish task of painting Rangoli in a group of girls.
For the uninitiated (read international) audience, Rangoli
is a form of traditional art painted at the threshold of Indian households
during major festivals like Deepawali. Some households in India follow the
tradition of painting Rangoli every day, although the tradition is slowly dying
as the women of the household are getting busier in their life, professional as
well as personal. Why women you ask? Well, read on…
On being asked to define stuck,
he retorted saying that it is a women’s thing to do. Upon being further
questioned as to did he lose his moustache, the visible sign of masculinity, in
the process of painting Rangoli, he walked back to his workstation and sent a
Wikipedia link. On being asked about
the context of that link, he responded saying that “traditionally” it is
supposed to be done by women. What ensued was a long discussion on tradition vs
progress. On being schooled about patriarchy, the same young man denied having
any knowledge of patriarchy in Indian society. He went on to say that what she
was talking about might be from some other civilization but he is absolutely
not part of that civilization. On being asked if he agrees with the caste
system as well, since it stems from the same tradition, he absolutely refused.
A while ago, a friend and I were talking about feminism and
patriarchy, and he made a beautiful point that all the isms aside, we should strive to be progressive. The friend in
question is someone that I refer to as a closeted feminist, for a progressive society gives equal right to all participants, and the freedom of choice too.
For the flag bearers of patriarchy in the guise of traditionalism fail to realise that this patriarchy is killing their fellow brothers
too. It is same set of men who visit other countries and come back whining
about the tradition of racism. It is
the same patriarchy that is keeping so many men from following their dreams of
becoming a ballet dancer, a painter, a cook, a homemaker. It is thanks to this
patriarchy, that there are so many gays in our society, married to the opposite
sex and leading dual lives.
And so we continue watching the charade of #SelectiveTolerance.