Wednesday, September 16, 2015

Love, Life, Happiness... = Happy Nest

I’ve often wondered about these; more often than anybody would like to believe. Once I got drunk at a friend’s place and quite seriously asked her to define love. While the incident was quite funny, the answer to this question is extremely important. There isn’t one definition that we can attach to love as love is not a principle of physics or chemistry. Love is as abstract as anything can get. And yet it is the defining moment in everybody’s life.

Love… It could be for anything or anyone around us. One could love a dog, a hobby, nature, an activity or a person. Love does not amount to possession. Love is like a nurturing soil that does not transform you but gives your soul enough food to grow taller and stronger. Love is, in fact, the essence of one’s being.

Today when I see my kid sister all grown and ready to step into youth, I think about the heart-breaks that await her around the corner, that are a part of growing up. These heart-breaks are inevitable just as growing up is and yet these are the heart-breaks that would give her enough wisdom to appreciate love, when that happens.

I see around, infinite examples of people living love with those who try to change their being. Who want to see a reflection of what they think is perfect in their partners and this struggle becomes an endless loop. So blinding is the initial glow of love that we fail to realize that what we are seeing is not what the other person is but, what we really want to see. And by the time we do realize, it’s too late for many.

People either go for a complete antithesis justifying the theory of magnetism only to discover revulsion at a later stage when all the Oxytocin has worn off. Or they find admiration in the extreme similarities that they share with another person only to realize that those were at a superficial level and that at the core they so different a personality that they stifle each other’s being.

The nurturing soil of love does not call for a code of conduct as the conduct comes naturally when there is compatibility at molecular level. The two people involved could appear as different as a night club and a Church on the surface but the inner architecture of their souls, the constitution of their existence just fits into one another. And such is the chemistry that they share that one could not tell them apart if one had to, for that is how they blend.

They blend not to lose their identity as some might mistake, but they blend to enhance each other’s identity to make better souls out of one another. All this, although, runs at a granular level where none of them is dictating terms to each other and none of them tries to bring about a “compromise”. This blending is so effortless and so flawless by its very nature that the outcome looks as if it was always meant to be this way.

This doesn’t mean that one has to look for a perfect partner. A perfect partner would be like God. And who can live with God! Perfection in a relationship comes with the blend that we create, together. Imagine a house absolutely perfect…perfect walls, perfect d├ęcor, perfect upholstery… Such a house could not be a home for the owners, pets or guests. Such a house could become a sample for perfect pictures in magazines but not a home. For home is where the furniture is slightly dented, where there are a few mismatched pieces of cutlery, where the pillow cases do not always match bed sheets, where the walls get scratches soon after whitewash no-matter-what.

Perfection is something to be achieved together. It doesn’t come from visiting exotic places or fine dining or fancy cars. It comes from sharing our sub-conscious thoughts openly, without the fear of being judged. It comes from letting our demons free and accepting each other’s demons at the same time. And this perfection does not come with insecurities; it comes with an instinct that you wouldn’t be betrayed.

It’s not about living love but loving life… That is when we can experience happiness and that is when we take the first step towards building a happy nest.

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