It’s middle of the night and I’d
almost slept. Yes, almost; and then I woke up to write this piece. The latest
video by Vogue Empower with Deepika Padukone has created a buzz in the cyber
world with some in favour and some against it. While I do not appreciate the
entire philosophy of that video, I do find that video resonate my voice in some
ways.
The video talks of a woman’s
right to have sex before marriage, out of marriage or no sex at all. While some
might find this supporting adultery, I see this in a different light. As a
teenager, I saw many of my friends giving in to the pressure of their
boyfriends to have sex only to be dumped later or be labelled as someone with a
“loose character”. My first break-up happened because the guy wanted to make it
to the bed while I wasn’t prepared. And when I walked out within three months
of that relationship God knows the mental torture that I went through for the
next four years with awful, filthy messages… So awful was it that I ended up
changing my mobile number, for good.
In the years that followed, I saw
my friends quitting their well-paying jobs because their better halves had a
problem with them earning more than the man
of the family. There was this particular instance in my marriage where my
ex-husband was really upset by the fact that the nominee of the flat that I purchased
was one of my family members and not himself.
And, no sex at all… We’re all
aware of the number of marital rape cases and instances when the boy-friends
force themselves upon their partners to satiate their carnal desires. And there
is no end to the questions like, “who are you with?”, “where are you?”, “what
time will be back home?” and these questions asked in that order.
The point is that a woman has an
equal right to say a yes or no. She has an equal right to remain in a
relationship or marriage or walk out of it. She has an equal right to demand
sex and refuse it. She has an equal right to stay out and party, or not. You can’t
dictate her just the way you can’t dictate a man.
Having said that, this does not
give a veto-power to women either; while I have seen many an oppressed women
around in my mere 30 years, I have also seen some who have used their right for
all the wrongs they could - one of them being my own Mami. She filed a dowry
case on the entire maternal side of my family, including my mother, after 17
years of her marriage with my uncle. What followed was a nightmare of running
from the local court to Allahabad high-court, with my grandfather being taken
into custody, only to have the case withdrawn after she was delivered with her
demands – all of them monetary.
The rape law being used to get
even with boyfriends who fail or refuse to marry their respective girlfriends
is another example. And not to forget, workplace situations where men are
threatened by their teams or sub-ordinates in order to extort promotions or
increments.
It’s not about whether men are
better than women or women better than men. I am a naturalist at heart and
believe that the nature wouldn’t have created both the sexes had one been
better than the other. The fact that both the sexes survived the cycle of
evolution and reached thus far is proof enough that we’re all equally important
in maintaining the equilibrium of this planet. While men are constructed of stronger
bones, women are blessed with endurance for pain – both are equally important
to keep the balance. Yin and Yang, Shiv and Shiva – aren’t we supposed to go
hand-in-hand?
This has been my philosophy all
my life while maintaining a façade of a mosaic of viewpoints, only to keep my
vulnerability from being exposed to hurt. But during a discussion with a friend
recently, he called me a female chauvinist and also explained that that is the
perception I drive through my posts on social media. While I don’t mind being
called anything, I just thought I’d better put my thoughts together as I owe it
to my degree in journalism and my ancestors. Being called a person of biased
opinion hurts the journalistic DNA in me.
I come from a family where men
were led by Rani Lakshmi Bai in India’s first war of independence in 1857. I
come from a family where my mother’s great-grandmother watched guard on a
horseback all night, with a sword in her hand. I also come from a family where my
grandmother taught my father how to cook, knit and embroider.
From all the stories, anecdotes
and journals passed on through generations in my family, one thing that I have
learnt is that men and women are supposed to work in tandem to keep the balance
of the cart. But what I also learnt is that women are susceptible to being
taken for granted or oppressed. It is a collective responsibility of human-kind
to stand up for what they think is right. The right is absolutely subjective
and we must respect the individual opinion of the people involved.
It could be the right of a woman
to work or stay at home, it could be a man’s right to do the same. Years ago,
my father met a guy during his train journey from Kolkata to Mumbai. When they
introduced themselves he told my father that he’s a housewife! My father was
equally astounded and filled with respect for this person who stepped up to
quit his job as he felt that one of the parents must stay at home with the kids
while his wife pursued her career. Both the man and his wife must have been
equally judged by their social circle, one for quitting work to do a woman’s
job and the other for being an irresponsible wife and mother.
I also know a woman, who
supported her husband in his decision to quit his job, quite well paying at
that, to pursue higher studies. She, while being the sole financial support of
the family, is also the only child of her parents and holds a lot of
responsibilities, fulfilling each of them with a grace that would make queen of
England shy away.
There are endless stories and
instances that I can go on relating only to drive the point that neither men
nor women are privileged to take advantage of the other. That it is equality that
we seek. And it does take two to tango, right!
4 comments:
nice post!
Hi ...,
Thanks for your appreciation. It'd b nice to know your name. :)
Virender..landed on your blog via likendin :)
:)
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